More Than Machines: Why Cars in Uganda Are Family Members
By James Peterson
Across the Atlantic in Donald Trump’s land, today is National Name Your Car Day and if there is any country that knows how to baptize machines, okay, automobiles, ah okay, never mind, let me just say cars with swagger, it is Ugandans. Forget logbooks and number plates. Around here, cars carry personalities louder than the horns on Jinja Road.
Take Toyotas for example. A Ugandan will never just say, “I drive a Toyota.” No, no, no. That humble Corolla suddenly becomes “Beyonce.” Why? Because like Queen B herself, it runs the world or at least from Kireka to Kololo. And it does not matter if the paint is peeling. Once the name sticks, you better put some respect on it.
Then there is the Subaru gang. These ones baptize their rides “The Beast.” And to be fair, when you hear that exhaust roaring at two a m down Ntinda Najeera Road, you will agree it is no ordinary car. It is a beast, a dragon, a whole World Wrestling Entertainment wrestler on wheels.
Boda riders? They do not miss. Some of them call their bodas “Air Force One.” And honestly, it makes sense. The way these guys can lift off from a pothole, dodge three taxis, a goat, and still land you safely in Wandegeya even Donald J Trump would be jealous.
And me? I once named my friend’s car “The Battle Wagon.” Because that thing had seen it all from Entebbe traffic jams to muddy village shortcuts where even cows refused to pass. By the time we parked it in Kampala, you could feel its suspension whispering, “Please, I beg, no more.”
But here is the thing: cars are not just cars in Uganda. They are part of the family. You polish them on Sunday like you are preparing them for church. You park them under a mango tree and then warn kids, “Do not lean on the Beast!” You even introduce them to visitors: “Ah, meet The Beast. He is shy, but wait till he starts.”
So, on this Name Your Car Day, here is my challenge to you: what is your car called? And if you have not named it yet, today is the day. Give it a name with character. Something bold. Something that will make us laugh when we see you stuck in traffic yelling, “Come on, Beyonce, do not embarrass me today!”
Because in the end, Ugandans do not just drive cars. We raise them like children, worship them like celebrities, and roast them like exes when they break down in Bwaise. And that is why, no matter what anyone says, nobody names a car better than us.
